I’m totally heartless right now.
But, I have to think twice to write it over here.
It will mislead things to the other way around.
I wish to live happily ever after, without facing any problems.
I know it’s merely impossible.

Once, I thought a guy is a perfect medium to throw my anger.
A guy should always understand my girly feelings.
A guy should be my guardian angles.
A guy should support me in all ways.
They should be there when I needed them.
They should heal their own feelings.
They should be patient enough handling their queen.
They’ll wait until I’m falling asleep before he hung up the phone.
But, at the end of the day, it rarely happened. Even if it does, it will last at least for two days. On the third day, they will ask for break up! Funny right?

I know, it sounds ridiculous and selfish. But please think about a long term relationship. Once u can survive with those ‘request’, at least you know that you can handle & live with your other half happily ever after.

When I clicked Internet Browser, yahoo redirect the page to http://dating.personals.yahoo.com which I think a more or less motivate me in a way to get away from this feelings that I can’t help myself to. I’m unable to finish my breakfast this morning once I realized that I can’t contact him anymore.

This is not easy for me. The hardest part is to start things all over again. I’m crying over tiny event like listening to love songs, quarreling over channel to watch, sitting on the passenger seat and act like a queen, give a soft punch on him, and being a princes to him. Those things are things that I can’t do to my friends. I will miss it all.

I’ve been into slimmer and smaller products lately. Actually, I just bought one slimmer mobile phone from Sony Ericsson and I’m lovin’ it! According to the webbies, that model should be launch somewhere in the middle of 2007, but it’s arrived in Malaysia somewhere around March – May 2008. In fact the original version was only available in retail market about end of April, and I bought it right after it reached 2 weeks old.

I love the way it shows himself, slim, powerful, modern, 3.2 Megapixels, 2GB memory card, 3G, HSDPA (I didn’t realize the existence features in my phone actually. ) and cool! The price is like buying the new basic desktop with LCD monitor. Carrying it bring up extra confidence in me, because it looks slim and just nice to hold. I don’t mind it doesn’t have WiFi because I will never satisfy with ‘phone view browser’ and I always prefer to surf using laptop.

Comparing it with the Malaysia’s iPhone (1st version) or any other mobile PDA, I choose W890i. Why? Because iPhone is big, iPhone doesn’t have 3G plus it just have 2MP camera. Comparing it with the other walkman phone, this one is the greatest invention for me who loves to listen to songs.

Getting back on track…
That’s all that i want…

Thank God, my weekend worth my thousands cry…
I promise you, you’ll never regret…
I L O V E Y O U….

People can say anything about me.
Just say it out!
I’m not that perfect. I’m just a human.
To accept the truth is the bitter part of life.

I was happy of knowing a guy like him.
A guy of my dream. I dreamt about him long time ago.
It never crosses my mind that I will be in his heart.

But now, all the dreams flew away.
Should I cry and shout it out loud?
I’m frustrated. I cant sleep the whole night.
I need a hand. Please carry me away….

I’m begging you to come back,
But, it may just in my dream….
Dream, you’re killing me…

For the time being, I just want to say that, I don’t really have moods to do things. Even taking my bath. Maybe I should go to Pulau Tioman, or Pulau Kapas, or Pulau Redang, or Port Dickson to refresh myself. Owh God! Help me….

Should i stop blogging?
For some reasons, i think i should stop blogging…

Thank you.

It’s been so long, I haven’t post about things related to my feelings, my thoughts, my something to say right? I guess, I haven’t have once lately, but unfortunately, the grass not always green. I’m learning to face the truth of life by keeping all the sad things inside me. Self control. Yeah, I guess that’s the right term to say here.

Yet, I have something to let out. It’s about consideration. Living in KL, we have to put too many things in our consideration list. For instant, while stuck in the traffic jam, what should you do if somebody wants to cut your lane? If that’s the first car that cuts your lane, you maybe let it have it, but if that’s the second or third, I bet you’ll just keep your hood distance from the front car like one foot long. Right?

I was trying to apply the ‘consideration’ thingy in my life by starting to say, “its okay”, “maybe next time”, “I understand” line of words to myself and to those who failed to do what he/she suppose to do. And I don’t know until when I can stand like that. I’m not an angle, and I know you knew it. Sometimes, we can be like Hitler, but we can be like Gandhi too, depending on the time and mood.

But, I always pray that I’ll keep the coolness inside me and keep away all the wavy thingy far away from me.

Changes makes everybody think a kind of thinking that will came out across the mind when they are alone while driving, or in the bathroom, or surfing the Net without any messenger turn on. I’m not going to talk about ‘changes’ in here, but to share what I use to have in mind usually.

I guess everybody knows about coincident or something that happen at the same time by chance. But I define coincident as thing that happen because of Qada’ & Qadar or our destiny. I believe in destiny, and I believe that we can change our destiny, but it just a matter of you want or you do not want to.

I use to have a kind of thinking that so extremely ridiculous because I can’t accept denial. I love to think that I am always right, but if only no facts or no tough explanations to prove that I am wrong. I love to challenge my opponent with any ridiculous thing that can drives people to think that I am crazy or stupid, and actually I love to act stupid to see how far my opponent can go with his/her stand. Sometimes I know what the things all about, but I just want to see what do other people would say about that. Good observer huh?

Hmmm…. I am sorry, but I don’t know what my main purpose composing all these tonight. Maybe its time to be honest? There are so many important things running over my crazy mind now, but none of them able to stick long in my memory. To all of my readers tonight, I just want to say that I am not okay tonight.

As promised, below is my list of Azam for 2008. Just read, all negative comments will be deleted, because I’ll keep it for my viewing only. Ehhehe… jgn marah yerrr. Owh, btw, what is azam in English?

1. Sending my mom to Hajj.
2. Less spending on garments.
3. Go to any paid class to gain more knowledge.
4. Getting married.
5. Lose weight, targeted 47 kg.
6. Take a very good care of my teeth.
7. Do saving, at least RM200 per month.
8. Do extra saving for my Professional Camera, Nikon or Canon, model? Of course the latest one! hehehhe.
9. Do extra effort for my job, because I want to gain more experience and expertise from what I work on now until everything only on my fingertips.
10. Learn on how to do good system design and development within php environment (I need u dear).
11. Be good to everybody.
12. Be good to myself (this mean a lot to me, and let it be only me to know. Questions will be in my ignoring list. ).

I think that’s all that I’ve been thinking about, because lengthy doesn’t mean GOOD right? So, I’ll let it be as simple and short like this. Wish me luck for 2008.